Fall Yard Update

The time has come to clear away the summer annuals and prep the yard for the fall and winter. First, a quick look at what happened over the summer:

1. Hawthorns (yay!)
I had to put in three new shrubs this spring to replace the gardenias that died last winter. The new ones did great and are stronger and healthier than when they were planted. They even bloomed a little.  Clearly a good choice!

the new hawthorns

2. Perennials (boo.)
I planted a few perennials this year that I got cheap from Home Depot, a little later in the spring. None of them did well (maybe it was too late, or too hot, or they just didn't start healthy), but they almost all seem to still be alive. I moved them around in hopes that they'll do better next year if they get a chance to root over the winter.

new perennials looking crappy

3. Vine thing
We built a small trellis this spring and planted a vine thing (the name is totally escaping me right now), which did great. I'm really hoping it comes back next year and continues to fill in along the fence.

vine thing is blooming well in early summer

and keeps growing but stops blooming in late summer

4. Kitchen Garden
As usual, the kitchen garden did great, until it turned into a mess and became disappointing. Two tomato plants completely overwhelmed their little cages and toppled over onto the ground. We hung a string trellis for beans to climb up, but it was taken over by viney weeds, so we never got any beans. There were some eggplants and peppers, but they mostly weren't very impressive. Plan for next year- fewer plants and bigger cages-- less is more.

kitchen garden is overgrown and ugly. 

5. Annuals and Herbs
It was definitely a hot and dry summer, and I didn't do a great job at watering things- so the smallest plants fared pretty poorly this year. The annuals in the quarter-circle and herbs in pots looked great in the beginning of the summer, and then slowly died off as the weather got hotter and drier. Begonias and basil did okay, perhaps they are just heartier and better at the dry weather. Note for next year- buy more hearty stuff (or learn to water the yard).

a field of alyssum and petunias in the quarter circle in early summer

begonias and hostas in early summer

6. Fall Stuff
After clearing away all the dead annuals, I put in the usual mix of pansies and mums for the fall and winter. Then, I finally used a gift certificate from Burpee that I got last Christmas to order some new perennials. I'm hoping that by planting them this fall, they'll have a better chance of rooting and doing well next year.

pansies under the redbud tree

pansies from another angle

new perennials with mums

mums and perennials from a  different angle

mums from prior years still doing well and ready to bloom

7. Fire Pit!
Lastly, we broke down and bought a firepit. We had been talking about it for a while, and decided that since we're definitely staying home more now that there's a bambino- we should have more things to enjoy and entertain in the house. Hopefully it'll help us enjoy the backyard a bit more, since we kind of avoided it all summer due to the heat. Sadly - as soon as we finally decided which one we wanted and ordered it, we found out it was backordered til november.

The Success Stories
For some extra context, let's take a look at how far the yard has come so far just as a reminder that everything I plant doesn't always die. We initially landscaped the yard about 2.5 years ago, prepping it to host our big rehearsal dinner. Each summer and winter since, I've lost some of the original shrubs, but others have rooted, gotten stronger, and grown a lot bigger. Here are some of the success stories of the yard:

abelias

closeup of the abelias- been blooming for like 2 months now

azaleas

arbor vitae

and there's this guy 

(I planted snapdragons last summer, and this summer they started popping up everywhere. I tried to move them to a pot, but then they died. So when this guy sprouted in a crack by the garage door, I left him alone, and he did amazingly well. Kind of drives me crazy when all the annuals I planted died.)

31 Miles in 31 Days

Despite being a fairly consistent runner and generally active person for my adult life, I really slowed down during pregnancy for obvious reasons. By the end, I was massive and mostly sedentary, and really anxious to get moving again. So, when I was about 40 weeks pregnant, I boldly signed myself up to run a 10 mile race this October, thinking it would be a great opportunity to get back in shape. Based on the rule of thumb that you need one week to train for every mile you want to race (which has worked pretty well for me in the past) - I had plenty of time.

However - I didn't have much luck exercising during maternity leave. When I got back to work, I was really excited to get moving again, though I was now behind schedule for the race. I started walking at least 10,000 steps a day (huge improvement over the average 4,000 steps a day during maternity leave). I started going to the gym and ran several times, but just couldn't get back to my normal speed and really couldn't add additional distance like I could in the past. I was so winded and exhausted by everything. Clearly, training this time would be a lot harder than in the past because I had a whole lot more work to do.

So, sadly, I decided to give up on the 10 miler because it was just way too ambitious. I am still fighting to get back in shape, and generally do better with a goal or thing to train for. So, here's my new plan-- I'm going to run 31 miles in 31 days (aka, October). [Several years ago, I set the goal of running 100 miles in a month and almost did it (knee pain at the end grounded me)]. I think this will be a more reasonable but still ambitious goal, that should help me gain the strength and rebuild the muscles I lost during pregnancy.

October is an excellent month for running - which is why all the big races happen now. It's cooler but not cold, turning leaves give you something to look at, and the approaching winter makes you want to soak up every minute outside. Plus, I'm already having visions of Thanksgiving pies and Christmas cookies- so now's the time to get moving. To hit an average of 1 mile per day, my plan is to run 2 or 3 miles several days during the week, so that I don't have to run on the weekends. Since the baby isn't old enough for a running stroller yet, it's kind of difficult to run on the weekends.

DC is a fantastic city for running

If I lose weight - great. If I get faster - great. But my primary goal here is to get stronger and start feeling more like my running spirit animal -- the gazelle-- and less like my current spirit animal - the hungry hungry hippo.  [Sidenote - I'm focusing on getting in shape to be stronger and healthier - but baby weight sucks, so it would be nice if I could lose some of that too.]

fantastic day for an afternoon jog

Today is the 5th day of the month, and I'm currently 3 miles done. A little behind schedule, but totally feeling optimistic and on track. Feeling good about this goal - will check in soon with progress.

Babyproofing

So - maternity leave was mostly pretty slow and uneventful, house-wise. There was not a lot of time to get anything done on the many, many house projects that I want to work on. However- in the past month we did rather frantically end up making a lot of changes to the house.

You see, finding day care in DC is really hard to do. As soon as I knew I was pregnant, I signed up for the waitlists for 5 different day cares in the area. We paid our waitlisting fees and waited patiently, hoping that by the time maternity leave was over, we would have a spot somewhere. As the end of my leave approached, I reached out to all the daycares to find out where we stood and discovered that we didn't have a chance of getting into any of them. At best, we may be able to get into one in a couple years, and at worst, we managed to move backwards on a list from 150th to 175th.

So, we frantically started researching other childcare options and found a nannyshare that was available with a family in our neighborhood. The great news was that a good nanny would watch our son, starting exactly when we needed her, at a much more convenient location. The bad news was that a 1.5 year old would now also be staying in our house every other week, which was chockfull of baby death traps everywhere we looked. Since our son is only starting to roll over and months away from being really mobile, we hadn't even thought about baby proofing. The other kid though, is running around and great at getting into trouble- so we needed to babyproof asap.

Step 1. Remove the Breakables
There were two bookcases full of breakables - one of our fancy crystal and stuff in the living room and one of our liquor and glasses in the fireplace room. The alcohol got moved into the dining room buffet so its bookcase could go back upstairs to hold books in the new office. The other got moved up to the green room, replacing the console table that was a bad fit up there anyway.

The old liquor cabinet in the fireplace room

new empty wall in the fireplace room- perfect for a basket of toys

old bookcase from the living room moves up to the green room

Step 2. Remove the Deathtrap Shelving Units
After the Great Renovation last year, we got two metal shelving units to replace the walk-in pantry that we lost. One was full of small appliances in the dining room, the other full of food in the kitchen. Both were hideous and totally dangerous for a small child who could pull them over and crush himself. I took all the small appliances off the one unit and moved it down to the basement, where I joined it with a third shelving unit into a mega-double-shelf, to help better organize the stuff being stored down there. The other got moved into the mudroom, where it can be locked away from the kid by the old exterior door.

Old Death Trap #1 - pantry in the kitchen

new well-organized pantry in the mudroom 

(still a deathtrap, but safely behind a lockable door)

Old Death Trap #2 - small appliances in the dining room

new mega double shelving unit in the basement

new safe and empty corner of the dining room

Step 3. Get new Cabinets

To hold all the small appliances that now had no home, we picked up some cheap white cabinets and a countertop from Home Depot. All the appliances fit easily into the new storage space, plus we get two new big drawers for utensils and stuff. We were desperately short on counter space before, so even a crappy counter is a huge step up. Even though the kitchen is getting steadily less attractive at every turn, this is a big improvement for storage and functionality. Plus it lets us test-drive this layout before buying real cabinets in the future kitchen renovation. The old table that was in this spot got moved out to the garage to help organize the workbench area.

ugly new cabinets with lots of counter space and storage

Step 4. Add gates, outlet protectors and cabinet locks

After some minimal research on Amazon, we ordered the classic baby proofing gear - baby gates for the stairs, little plastic plugs for all the electrical outlets, and magnetic locks for the kitchen cabinets.

Wally demonstrates the cat door in the baby gate

Step 5. Build Shelves in the Laundry Closet

I finally put up some basic wooden shelves to get all the laundry supplies up off the floor. This has been on the to-do list since the new laundry closet was built, but we couldn't seem to get it done.

new shelves keep detergents off the floor and out of reach for short people

Step 6. Rearrange the Living Room

Once the old bookcase full of breakables was removed from the living room, we needed to rearrange the remaining furniture. We angled the short couch so that it blocks the radiator (a future hazard once the weather gets colder), which also creates a good place to stash toys out of sight. We also moved the old coffee table to the side of the long couch in the newly created space where the old bookcase was. It has hard metal corners that we don't want the kid running into. On the one hand, the new layout is more open and great for playing, and makes it easier to get to the windows. On the other hand, we no longer have a coffee table, so it's much harder to eat dinner in front of the tv. We seem to have accidentally forced ourselves to start eating at the dining room table like real adults.

the old living room layout with breakables in the corner and a dangerous coffee table

new living room layout is more spacious and less dangerous

the old coffee table becomes a side table

Step 7. Mount the TV

Then we ordered a support to mount the tv to the wall so that it can't be pulled over. Once it was on the wall, we no longer needed the massive tv stand under it, and switched it out for a new much smaller console table that is similar to the side table. We then used a furniture strap thing to attach the console table to the wall, so it can't be pulled over either. The trick here was figuring out how to hide all the misc cables and wires, which were totally visible through the new sleek, glass table. I spent some time bundling and tying each of the wires into a smallish mass that I hide behind the cable box. 

old tv stand is massive and dangerous

new mounted tv over much smaller table

Step 8. New Wall Art

After a lot of time staring at our horrible couches and rug that I never liked, I was feeling pretty annoyed with the living room. We can't afford to buy all new furniture, so I bought a new watercolor for the wall instead (consolation prize!) 

the new watercolor classes up the joint

So, not exactly a renovation project, but a bunch of stuff got moved around and improved. We would've had to do all this eventually once our son is mobile anyway, so it was all time well-spent. We also managed to get rid of several pieces of furniture, like the old tv stand in the living room and the red console table in the green room. They are moving on to a new home, while we are slowly making progress on my goal to get rid of all the temporary and flimsy furniture we bought in our gradschool days.

Surviving Maternity Leave

Let me start out by saying that I was really lucky to receive 3 months of paid maternity leave. The US is one of only three countries without universal paid maternity leave. The Family Medical Leave Act provides 12 weeks of unpaid leave (which doesn't work for people that need their salaries to pay bills), but it only applies to organizations with more that 50 employees and to workers that have worked a least 1250 hours in the last year-- so it only applies to about 60% of the working population. The Bureau of Labor Statistics estimates that only around 13% of workers have access to paid family leave. So getting three whole months at my full salary was an amazing benefit that I was lucky to get.

Let me also say that we were really lucky to get pregnant pretty easily, have a healthy and uneventful pregnancy and end up with a healthy baby. A lot of women have trouble getting pregnant or experience medical issues along the way. Other than some nausea, my pregnancy was pretty easy. Our boy came out healthy and is doing really well-- which is also amazing. All in all, we were really lucky and feel very appreciative about the whole process.

Also - we are super lucky to have a really easy baby. He hardly cries at all and is generally pretty happy. I've heard horror stories about babies that just scream all the time for months on end - which I am very glad not to have to experience.

That being said - maternity leave was really difficult for me. It's hard to admit it because there is an expectation that every minute of being a mother I should be staring into the eyes of my beloved angel and basking in his cuteness. It's already clear that there are a million things to feel guilty about, and I'm not going to let this one stand. Sure, there were a lot of really cute moments or first-time things that I'm really happy I got to witness. For the most part though, maternity leave was really hard and miserable. I spent a lot of time sitting on the living room couch, staring at a sleeping baby, wishing that I could also be sleeping, or bouncing a fussy baby, trying to get him to go to sleep. It was both endlessly busy and painfully boring. I rarely had time to shower and change out of my pajamas, my back hurt all the time, and I was always miserably exhausted. It was also very lonely - I don't think I realized how many people I interact with on an average day. Only interacting with a baby that can't even smile (until the end), and my husband for a few hours at night was a big transition from my normal chatty day.

The Birth
The short story is that I was induced at 42 weeks because that baby wasn't coming out on his own. Something about the first inducement drug really jump-started my system, throwing me into full labor really quickly. So quickly, in fact, that they didn't have time to give me any drugs for the pain, which I desperately wanted. It ended up being a very painful but short delivery, and after only 4 hours we had a healthy, little baby boy. We hung out in the hospital for a couple days, which are all sort of a blur. Then they quickly kicked out us, and we ended up back home with this mysterious little monster that we had no idea how to handle.

Chilling and waiting to get started

mystified father & crying baby

little old man in a hat

The First Month- Survival
The first four weeks were all about survival, and thankfully I was not on my own. My husband was also lucky enough to get paid paternal leave, and stayed with me for 3 weeks. After he went back to work, my mom came for another week. It was so important to share the responsibility with someone, as I was still healing and physically returning to normal. The baby was eating about every two hours all day and night, so I was completely exhausted. Having someone else there made it possible for me to occasionally nap and take turns on diapers, which was great. We were basically doing just the bare minimum to keep ourselves healthy, him happy, and the house from falling over. One of us could watch him while the other took care of chores and errands, though not a lot of chores really got done. We lived off of the food that our family and friends brought us. It could be a total coincidence, but our jellyfish caught a bacterial infection and all died during this time period. As the end of the month approached, I was terrified about being home alone with the baby. We had built a bit of a routine for taking care of him that was working with two people, and I was sure I couldn't do everything by myself.

this about sums it up.

first family picture - on the couch, not even sitting all the way up

boy starts getting cute

1 month old and getting easier and cuter by the day

The Second Month- Maintenance
After a couple really difficult days, I figured out how to take care of the boy completely by myself and then I slowly started regaining control of other aspects of life that had been completely ignored. I started cooking every night, though certainly nothing fancy. I started cleaning the house again, which had gotten completely ignored over the last month or two. Eventually, I got onto a regular schedule of chores, tackling a major item each day. Not only did the house shape up quickly, but it freed up our weekends for outings. I also started to get myself onto an exercise schedule, once I got the all-clear from the doctor. It was nearly impossible to go to the gym, but I could pretty regularly do a yoga video while the baby napped. Eventually, I started taking a short trip every week with the baby to meet R for lunch or swing by a local restaurant for lunch.

first trip in the carrier

blueberry picking

my solo trip to the park

trying to do yoga is so much harder when Wally is literally underfoot

starting to feel a bit better, but still on the couch

and everyone's still exhausted

2 months old: still growing quickly and starting to smile

The Third Month- Progress
By the third month, I wanted to go beyond basic survival and maintenance, and start making some real progress. Instead of just getting groceries and making meals, I started to create meal plans specifically to use up all the ingredients that had been sitting in the freezer and pantry for too long.  Instead of just vacuuming and doing dishes, I started deep cleaning and reorganizing every spot in the house. In the first and second months I fed the boy when he was hungry and let him sleep when he fell asleep, so it was hard to predict when anything would happen. So for the third month, I started tracking when he ate and slept, and began slowly moving towards a regular nap and food schedule. Ideally, if he was the right amount of hungry and sleepy at bedtime, he would sleep through the night. I also started to focus more on his awake times, making sure to practice all the upcoming milestones at least a few times each day. So instead of just talking to him or handing him a toy randomly, we practiced rolling over, sitting up, lifting his head, grabbing toys and chatting. Because I was super focused on his schedule, I lost my focus on exercising and getting out of the house - so while the house was looking good and the baby was doing great, I was feeling pretty cabin-fevered and miserable.

holding his head up like a champ

smiling and chatting

learning to take a selfie- but still on the couch

grabbing toys with both hands

but everyone's still exhausted.

3 months old: smiling, jabbering and developing a personality

The Last Weekend
Through a total coincidence, it turned out that the last weekend of my leave was also a long-scheduled memorial service for my grandparents at Lake Tahoe. (I talked about my grandfather's passing here, and then my grandmother passed away a few months after him). We decided not to travel with a baby, so instead I went by myself. It was really difficult emotionally and surprisingly painful physically to suddenly be separated from the boy after so much constant contact over the previous three months. It was important to me to be present for this family reunion and final farewell to my grandparents though, so I'm glad I went. While I would have much preferred to have had the boy and spouso with me, it was a little nice to have a break and remember how to be on my own again. Jarring as it was, I think it made the transition back to work easier.

I'm hiking around the lake

menfolk at home without me

ashes and flowers in the lake

Lessons Learned
Now that leave is officially over and I am back at work again, I have a few thoughts on things I could have done better, or things I figured out that I want to keep doing.

1. Do housework and chores during the week
I got in the habit of doing a different chore every day, partially to give myself something to do during the week. What I discovered was that I could get the chores done surprisingly quickly during the period of one nap (less than an hour), and totally free up the weekend. I plan to continue my weekly schedule, tackling each item as soon as I get home from work, so that I don't have to waste an entire weekend day to housework. Monday is grocery day, Tuesday is for dusting and vacuuming. Wednesday is laundry day and Thursday is for cleaning the bathroom and kitchen.

2. Do something fun every weekend
Because we weren't spending all weekend doing chores and I was so desperate to get out of the house, we put a lot of effort into planning an activity each weekend. Finding things we could take a baby to turned out to be a lot easier than we expected, so we had lots of options each week. We went berry picking, found a drive-in movie theatre, sought out some oysters, and enjoyed a flight of beers at our local brewery. Instead of wasting away the weekend in front of the tv or doing chores like we used to, we actually got out and experienced a bunch of new things. Even though I will have less of an urge to get out of the house on the weekends, I would like to keep the practice. With not a lot of effort, we can make fun memories and real answers to the perpetual question, "What did you do this weekend?"

3. Go outside every day
So this is something I was actually pretty horrible at during my leave, and maybe went outside one day a week. On days I was stuck inside, I got much less exercise, ate more, felt lonelier and more bored than days I went out. I stayed inside because it was hot out and hard to carry the boy with all his stuff up and down the stairs, but I should've just gone anyway. A change of scenery, some fresh air and the excitement of running into people, nature and whatnot make even a short trip totally worth it. From now on, and definitely if I do this again, I will definitely plan to go outside every day.

4. Watch TV purposefully
In the beginning, I would just turn on the tv and mindlessly flip from station to station throughout the day. As the boy got older, he became more interested in the tv and started staring at it mindlessly too, arching his back to turn around if I tried to block it from his view. I really don't want him to be addicted to the tv, so I started turning it off whenever he was awake and only watching during naps. Then, instead of wasting a short tv break on something stupid, I made an effort to watch the shows I actually wanted to see. Over three months, we watched all of the Madmen episodes (start to finish), the most recent season of Orange is the New Black, the first seasons of Outlander and Wet Hot American Summer, and about half of Scrubs, but stopped watching all the HGTV and Food Network tv we usually have droning on in the background. We actually talk to each other more often because we aren't distracted by the tv always being on, and when it is on, it feels like more of a treat. Instead of background noise, it's a shared activity that we can talk about later. Don't get me wrong - some mindless decompression time is important, but I don't want to be a family of zombies. Tuning in occasionally to something we actually want to see feels like a good compromise between constantly staring at something we don't actually care about and turning off the tv altogether.

5. Take care of yourself
Unlike the classic advice to sleep when the baby sleeps (which is basically impossible and deeply annoying to hear), the sage advice to take care of yourself is truly wise and useful. I set a goal to take a shower every day, and only missed a couple days. When I couldn't get around to showering until late in the day I felt gross and depressed, but when I could shower and change into clean pajamas, I felt a little more like myself. I get cranky and frustrated when I'm not eating well, so I made meal plans and grocery lists every week to make sure I had healthy food I wanted to eat for all three (or four) meals each day. When I did get a chance to exercise, even just a bit, I felt stronger and better about myself than on days I just sat around. I wasn't great at exercising regularly, and should've shared the middle-of-the-night feedings more, because a little more exercise and sleep would have made me feel immensely better. It's hard to prioritize yourself, even for only a few minutes because the motherhood guilt force is strong. I think it comes down to the old airplane safety rule that you put your own oxygen mask on before helping those around you - you can't take care of anyone else if you don't take care of yourself first.

6. Get on a schedule
Obviously my Type-A colors showing, but the more scheduled and structured things got, the smoother everything went. In the beginning it was all about the weekly schedule for chores, which made me feel a little less overwhelmed by everything that needed to get done. Then it was all about the daily schedule, so that I knew when to expect naps and meals and could avoid him getting too tired or too hungry. Obviously you have to stay flexible, because the schedules can get thrown off easily - but generally getting more scheduled made everything a lot easier.

Anyhoo - that's my last three months in a nutshell. Really hard, but also pretty amazing. I don't expect to go on maternity leave again anytime soon, but I think I'll do a better job at it next time. Now that I'm back at the office, things are transitioning into a new normal.